I began this life with my eyes open to the other world, I was different and I was reminded of it with the very rhythm at which my heart beat. Finding no support or understanding from any of the people around me I turned to the animals.  It was here I felt at home, with them I was seen, loved and kept safe. Thus I came into adolescence. This brought a new desire to connect with peers and in the face of modern culture I attempted to hide and blend.

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Moving through young adulthood rebelling and fighting a system, a machine that attempted to implant a false dream with in me, I became my own master -whipping and keeping what felt like a steady pace, wearing self created blinders hoping to see only the way forward and yet I fought and bucked and longed to see the other side, to see my true reality, to see and feel what was real. This frenzied reckless gallop continued until the age of eighteen when I was struck with my first grand mal seizure.  This calling I saw, felt, smelled and knew yet I had no understanding. As I had been reckoning with the duality of which I experienced my life, the other world concurred with a second seizure less than a month later.

I would be gripped with three more sets of seizures through my life, each one different in its nature and message. Over this time I slowly began to reemerge from my deep-set trance and I began my walk of remembering why I am here. Over this time I have been blessed with two amazing beings who came in as my children; these two giving me hope and meaning in an other wise lost world.

 

Visiting Burkina Faso

Visiting Burkina Faso

I have worked with a few teachers who have helped me along the way and yet I accredit all my learning’s to the other world. With their persistent reminders nipping at my heels all my life, they finally gripped me with no intention of letting go with my last set of seizures. It’s an amazing moment to sit side by side with death and to surrender to what appears to be the only way. I knew I no longer had a choice, I would either commit myself to my call or my life would be forfeit. By the grace of the Gods I had someone to turn to. I had been studying with Malidoma Somé and he was able to see what I was experiencing. He was the only person I have found my entire life who could actually see me, my gifts and my projected intention. He also reignited my memory of the many, many spirits that are me, that are my kin, that are and have been for a long time (with time being a looping process through the other world and through all of my lives), in collaboration with me.

Through my process of total commitment to my ancestors, spirits, the earth herself, the other world and the changes that must come forth, I began remembering I came into this life with this agreement already in place.  The very thing I had been fighting my whole life is my reason for being here. The imprints of coming into this machine driven modern time in history some how manifested deep enough for me to create a resistance to my true nature. And yet I made it, I remember. I walk with courage fully determined and guided to do healing work for all that were here, are here and are yet to come.

If you have found this I commend your valor and guidance to be seeking out something different.

May you move in peace and love.

All blessings

Anais Szabo